The Confidence Bag and the Effects of Long-Term Disrepspect

I wrote this almost ten years ago, but I ran into it today on my computer. It seemed fitting to reshare it today with my husband in mind, offering up prayers for wisdom, guidance, and light. Peace. Love, Linda

Confidence Bag

I’m awaiting arbitration because I spoke out about a writing initiative our new superintendent brought on board in our Florida school district. I was a Learning Resource Specialist for seven years, grades six through twelve, with a writing emphasis. The "new" initiative promoted writing as a test practice with extensive time spent mastering one single model essay for all, “with liberty and justice.”  Real world writing across the curriculum was not to be discussed, at least I was not allowed to talk about it; actually, after one eventful Friday the 13^th, I was not allowed to talk about anything, but this is not about the initiative or the elimination of my position; although, I would not be sitting at home at 8:00AM this morning writing a blog if it had not happened. The thought I am now putting to paper is about the after-effects of prolonged disrespect.


Picture a bag of confidence.  We are each born with a bag of confidence wonderfully crafted to expand. However, the yin, or is it yang, of that expansion, is shrinkage. Ouch. I felt a pinch. When disrespected (as I was when they placed me in a warehouse which I lovingly called the Rubber Room named after a video project from New York City, and they took away all peer contact and academic freedoms for expressing my opinions) for a period of time, insecurity worms began to sneak into my confidence bag. The longer they were there, the more opportunity they had to create homes and reproduce. These newcomers to the confidence bag do not yield expansion because they feed daily on the cloth of the bag, leaving nasty, little holes. My confidence began leaking out of the bag in tiny increments until my bag was small and tattered, but just as the coat packed in winter storage ravaged by moths is not evident until the temperature drops below 50 degrees, I did not realize my confidence bag’s demise until I entered into a situation when I pulled my bag out to use it again. The effects for me and others experiencing confidence bag depletion can range from niggling anxiety to all-out terror, no matter how daunting or simple the challenge.  I think, then, that what I am writing for you today is an FYI.  I started this with all seriousness, but after leaving the page to feed the birds and wash out the birdbath, I’ve lost my taste for this morsel, so I will end with this slogan for the day:

STAMP OUT CONFIDENCE BAG DEPLETION.

Whew, I’m glad that’s off my chest. This verse fits beautifully, reminding us of our indestructible tool for stamping out confidence bag depletion:   “Truly I tell you, if you say to this mountain, ’Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and if you do not doubt in your heart, but believe that what you say will come to pass, it will be done for you.”  Mark 11: 23. Now that promotes confidence!

Love, Linda